


All I (Don't) Want for Christmas

by Hezaia



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28293426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hezaia/pseuds/Hezaia
Summary: This wasn't how Allen had planned on spending Christmas Eve. This wasn't how he had planned on spending any day really, but as ever, the timing was awful. Still..."At least it isn't aliens dressed up like Santa's little helpers…"Or homicidal debt collectors. But truth to be told, he was not entirely sure if he preferred the alternative.-On Christmas Eve, Allen meets a girl. Then he meets her (crazy and dysfunctional) family.
Relationships: Noah Family & Allen Walker, Road Kamelot & Allen Walker, Tyki Mikk & Allen Walker
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Shamelessly inspired by a certain story about a certain combat butler sharing a voice actor with a certain exorcist. 
> 
> Cross-posted from ffnet, with minor edits.

* * *

Allen had never quite understood this festive season thing. He hadn't really minded it though, not exactly, because Christmas parties and such typically meant a buffet, and a buffet typically meant a chance to stuff himself. Mind you, being included in Christmas parties was a relatively recent thing in his life, given that he could rarely contribute with more than his virtually bottomless stomach.

That said, Allen's classmates liked him, generally speaking. However, things had become a bit awkward since they had come to realise that Allen's obsession with money wasn't just him being stingy; it was him ensuring his continued survival. That said, Allen didn't really resent them for that; they were normal and blissfully ignorant to a particular side of reality that Allen oftentimes lived in. Besides, Allen had other, far more deserving targets for his resentment.

" _Those who don't work don't get to eat"_ was absolutely wonderful in theory. In practice however, it did not seem to apply, at the very least not to certain people determined to make Allen's life as difficult as possible.

Unfortunately, most of these people tended to hold positions of relative authority in Allen's life. Among them was Allen's guardian, Cross Marian, the lousy excuse for a human being whose illicit affairs had forced them to move _very_ abruptly from Kolkata in India to Shanghai in China and then onwards to Tokyo, Japan. And now, now the bastard had seen it fit to rake up another bunch of debts, seal them inside an envelope and leave them behind as some sort of reverse Christmas present. Or birthday present. Truth to be told, Allen wasn't entirely clear on the details. He was only really clear about one thing at the moment.

"I'm definitely killing him, consequences be damned," he muttered, biting into his thumb. "Even if I have to do it with my bare hands."

All things considered though, maybe poison? Or, even better, by manipulating the husband of one of Cross' conquests to do it for him?

"Killing who?"

Allen snapped his head around, surprised at first, then mildly exasperated. "Didn't I tell you not to wander around on your own at night?" he asked.

"But I'm not on my own; I'm here with you," she said, giving the umbrella above her head a slight twirl.

Yeah, as if that was somehow better. "I also told you to go home," Allen said, resisting a surfacing urge to just get up and leave, because _she_ could leave. She _should_ leave, as a matter of fact.

"But how can I get home if I'm not allowed to walk on my own?" she asked, a definite smile playing on her lips.

Allen would have snapped at her to call a taxi. But as it was, he was not into the habit of being rude to little girls. He would have even offered to call a taxi for her, had his phone’s battery not died roughly fifteen minutes prior. "Fine, I'll give you a ride! Unless you mind breaking a few traffic safety laws, that is?"

She obviously didn't. However, she did look rather surprised when Allen shrugged off his jacket, handing her the jacket first and the helmet second.

"Put them on. My head's probably thicker than yours, and I get cold just by looking at you," Allen commented, swinging his leg over the frame.

She complied, putting on the jacket first and then the helmet, even pausing to reach up and adjust the straps. Given how often he had worn it, Allen had no doubt that it didn't smell very nice, but she didn't complain, so Allen didn't comment. "Good, now get on," he said instead, tacking on a mental _'or get lost'_ for the mere heck of it.

She made use of the bench to reach the bicycle rack. It couldn't be very comfortable, sure, but it wasn't like they could switch places either, with her legs being far too short to reach the pedals. She didn't complain about it her new position either and simply grabbed hold of his waist.

"So," Allen said, unable to escape the notion that this was just one bad idea out of many. "Where to?"

* * *

Where to next?

Just hours prior, he had asked himself that same question.

Where to next?

It was a good question. Unfortunately, there were no good answers.

" _Are you all alone out here? Wanna come and play with us?"_

Five delinquents, cornering a girl against a vending machine. The girl was wearing a thin dress shirt, a short skirt with frills, and striped leggings beneath that. She was short, positively dwarfed by the two delinquents directly up front, and fairly young; even from a distance, Allen could tell.

" _Say, we're headed for a karaoke bar. Wanna come? We'd obviously treat you."_

Disgusting and rather clichéd. Still, it was technically none of his business. Technically.

" _Hey, girl, come oooon. It's cold out here, don't you think?"_

It was definitely chilly, and rather late in the evening at that. _And_ it was technically none of his business, but still− It was Christmas Eve. Christmas _Eve_. Christmas- _Freaking_ -Eve. Not that it mattered of course, not really, no longer.

Overlooking the scene, Allen Walker considered his options. Now was really no time for him to play the hero; he was in a decidedly precarious situation himself, and shouldn't really take on anyone else's problems.

For one thing, he only had pocket change at his disposal; nowhere near enough for anything useful. Heck, it was doubtful it would buy him more than maybe a coke and a candy bar.

Allen had come to this realisation earlier, back when he had been seated upon one of the nearby swings, his bike hidden away in the bushes. Now, he was also hiding in the bushes with his hood up both to conceal his features and to protect his ears from the cold, because now that he had stopped moving for the most part, he definitely felt it. And, if he didn't do anything about it soon, then frostbite might just be added to his growing list of worries.

Christmas Eve or not, now was not the time to play the hero. That said however−

* * *

Jab to the throat. Knee to the stomach. The first guy had already gone down before the rest seemed to realise what was happening. Allen smiled then, a wide, wicked smile, as two of those remaining immediately went on the offensive.

They were amateurs though, and so was he, albeit a fairly skilled and experienced one. He wouldn't have been alive otherwise.

"You−" He sidestepped the first punch, grabbed the arm and tripped the guy. Another barely managed to evade getting caught up in the fall, but swiftly found his standing again and pulled out a folded knife, flipping it open. From the sounds of it, others had followed suit.

Knives didn't scare him. Few things did. Allen had brawled with far more skilled and oftentimes also armed delinquents in the past. That said, it was hardly safe, because one opponent was one thing and four another. Then again, four to one also meant that there would be no need to hold back, did it not?

He cracked his knuckles and readied his stance. There was someone that he would much rather punch the living daylights out of, but hey, voluntary substitutes and all.

* * *

"You're bleeding."

Allen looked up. His hood had been pushed back in the earlier scuffle, leaving his face on full display, illuminated by the streetlight just off to the side. There were probably surveillance cams as well. Allen should have really thought about that beforehand. Still, hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

After assessing the severity of the cut, Allen shrugged mildly. "I've had worse," he simply offered up, turning his attention towards his fallen opponents.

The delinquents lay all around him, some out cold, some still groaning in pain, but all of them bruised and at least two of them with cracked ribs and cuts.

Then he looked back up. She was still there, watching. Her eyes were a decidedly unusual colour, almost amber; contacts, maybe? In any case, Allen would have much preferred it if she had taken the opportunity to run off during the fight, because if possible, then he would have preferred gathering his spoils _without_ an audience.

"Let me," she said, pulling out a handkerchief.

Allen would very much rather not. Still, he could see her point and shrugged off the jacket, not wanting to bloody his clothes any more than strictly necessary.

"Thank you," he said once she had finished tying the handkerchief around his arm. Then, after pulling his jacket back on, he bent down to retrieve a wallet that had oh-so-conveniently fallen out of someone's pocket and slipped it inside his own. "And Merry Christmas and all that."

He retrieved his bike and wasted no time to get back on the road. Still− "Don't walk around alone at night!" he called out to her. "There's dangerous people out there!"

* * *

Allen hadn't expected to run into her again, much less for her to seek him out. How had she found him anyway? This was a really big city. Besides, she had overheard him planning to murder someone, but had not even batted an eyelid, which was definitely not normal. Besides, there was something about the way that she looked at him that unnerved him. Still, a promise was a promise, and even if she was a bit creepy, she was still waaaay too young to be out here on her own, especially in that kind of clothing. And so…

"This place? Are you _really_ sure this is the place?"

His day had started out so normally, and it had stayed pretty normal up until the point he had lost his part-time job as a courier for lying about his age, then found the envelope with the debts and then been forced to escape a bunch of loan sharks by jumping from a third-storey window. Then he had saved(?) a creepy girl from a bunch of delinquents and promised to bring the girl home, which had brought him here, up to this point.

"Yep, it belongs to my grandfather. I'm Road, by the way."

The garden was ridiculously large for being in Tokyo. Allen would have mistaken it for a park of some sort, had it not been for the sizeable house located on the property. Money, he thought. Quite a lot of it too, if this place served as any sort of indication. It explained a lot, but also very little.

While watching Road fiddle with the intercom, Allen was unable to refrain from wondering just how much she could be worth. Not that he was planning on kidnapping her or anything. As a matter of fact, Allen himself had been kidnapped in the past, so, been there, done that; it had not been a very nice experience. Besides, he had no hideout and no resources, so− "I should really get going," he said, putting his helmet back on. "Can I have my jacket back?"

"Are you sure you don't want to come inside?" she countered, shrugging off the jacket.

It was a tempting offer, but a strange one. Still− "Thanks, but I don't want to intrude," he said, slipping the jacket back on. "I'm off."

And off he was, pedalling. On one hand, he kind of regretted not taking her up on the offer. On the other, he felt a lot like he had just escaped something with his life.

There was not a whole lot of traffic, which was good, because it was even darker now, darker and colder, and his breath was like a white cloud in the air. It felt a bit like it might snow, but he wasn't entirely certain, and in general, he just felt strangely numb about everything. Considering the cut on his arm, that probably wasn't a very good thing.

"You're in shock," he reminded himself. "You didn't mentally prepare yourself for this."

The thing is, he had been prepared for a few of today's events, but only for them to appear one by one, not for them all to slam into him on a single day. And, speaking of slamming−

Allen veered, slamming on the breaks as a freaking limousine shot out in front of him. "What the−?" Heck, the car also screeched to a halt; a bad sign if Allen ever saw one.

Within moments, a door had opened, and a blonde woman had stepped out. Looking at her, Allen got three very distinct impressions.

One: Professional.

Two: Dangerous.

Three: Annoyed.

She also appeared to be on the phone with someone, speaking rapidly in Japanese, all while looking him up and down before apparently finding him lacking.

Allen had no idea what this was all about, really, but he sure as heck wasn't planning on waiting to find out. Well, such was the plan anyway.

" _Hi Allen!"_ Road cheerfully greeted him with a wave from the phone's screen, her voice on speaker. _"I told Grandfather about you, and he wants to meet you. I hope you don't mind."_

She was wearing large headphones, and there was a lot of noise in the background. Coming to think of it, it did sound remarkably similar to the helicopter closing in on their position.

The realisation made him slightly dizzy, and he stepped off the bike, pulling off his helmet.

"How do you know my name?" Allen finally managed, feeling increasingly bewildered. "I never introduced myself…"

Did he?

"Your student ID was in your pocket," she responded, and that made sense. So, so much sense. That was just about the only thing that did however.

Allen shielded his eyes from the bright light of the helicopter's search beam as it flooded the intersection. Strong gusts of wind tore at him, growing stronger as the helicopter began its descent, redirecting the snowflakes falling quietly from the skies.

The urge to vault over the nearby barrier and make a mad dash for the nearest narrow dark alleyway was strong, but that would have meant abandoning his most reliable mode of transportation. It would also have meant having to face the forces stationed on the ground.

This wasn't how he had been planning on spending Christmas Eve. This wasn't how he had been planning on spending any day really, but as ever, the timing was awful. Exceptionally awful. Still− "At least it isn't aliens dressed up like Santa's little helpers…"

Or homicidal debt collectors. But truth to be told, he was not entirely certain if he preferred the alternative.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Tyki Mikk had never quite understood this festive season thing. He appreciated the food, duh, but the company? Meh, not so much. And truth to be told, the others didn't really seem to appreciate his presence either. Well, Sheril did, but Sheril was Sheril.

As for the rest of the family, Tyki was pretty damned sure that they mostly just wanted him around to have someone to poke fun at. Sheril meanwhile rarely wasted an opportunity to harp on Tyki's choice of lifestyle, even while indirectly facilitating it with his fairly regular donations. And Adam, well…

" _Tyki-pet, I heard that you have been planning on skipping out on Christmas this year, so I was planning on going to fetch you in person… but I'm relieved to see that you decided to act your age for once and come without being summoned."_

Even though it was a phone call, not a video one, Tyki offered up a very forced smile, vividly recalling the events of the previous year. He had no doubt that the family patriarch did too. "I managed to rearrange my schedule at the last minute," he told the family head, lying through his teeth. "But I'm leaving for New Years, just so you know."

For Barcelona, but he sure as heck wasn't planning on telling the rest of them that. Odds were that they would find out anyway, knowing their track record.

Because really, Tyki was not planning on sticking around any longer than necessary. Because, last time he had got conned into attending some sort of family event, he had spent the greater part of it helping Road out with her overdue math homework. Tyki wasn't even good at math, not even remotely.

At times, he had the distinct impression that to the family, he was only really good for two things; to serve as a deterring example and to run odd errands that could just as easily have been run by one of the multiple servants employed by the family, servants that knew how to be discreet and not to spill sensitive information. Which was not to say that Tyki himself did not know how to do any of those things; he simply did not think that it was _his_ job. Speaking of odd errands– "A bike? You mean like a motorbike or like a bicycle bike?"

The voice on the other end was silent. Another voice, definitely Lulu Bell, clarified. _"Yellow bicycle. Shall I send a picture of it, milord?"_

_“Do that. Send GPS-coordinates as well,”_ the family patriarch instructed her. _"We all do know just how easily Tyki-pet gets lost…"_

" _That's because I do it on purpose,"_ Tyki thought, flagging down a taxi.

* * *

"Just to this intersection?"

"Yep."

The driver's face remained a polite mask, but there was no mistaking the somewhat weird look sent his way.

Tyki didn't mind though, because he imagined it was a pretty weird destination. On the other hand– "Unless… it'd be possible to pick up a bike without much extra cost, I suppose?"

The man's eyebrow climbed slightly. "A motorbike, sir? Or a bicycle?"

Right. "Yellow bicycle. Not entirely sure about the size though."

* * *

As it turned out, the bike wasn't too big, and the taxi driver proved all too willing to put it in the backseat, despite the oddness of the request. Thus, Tyki arrived at his final destination without much hassle, and he made sure to tip the driver for it. Because walking up the driveway with a bicycle was entirely different from having to walk through the chilly night from that intersection to the manor. And in the middle of the night at that.

Looking at his cell phone, Tyki confirmed that it was already past midnight. It had been a long day, especially so considering the 10+ hour flight, and him lazing around at the airport for a number of hours, trying to delay the inevitable. Besides, Haneda Airport had a whole lot of entertainment to offer if one had some time and money to spend.

In the time in-between his arrival in Japan and the call, Tyki had played some Pokémon Go, then some racetrack, then he had operated a flight simulator, crashed, tried again, and crashed again before realising he was not cut out to be a pilot and moving on to outstare a bunch of seal plushies and to buy some very unnecessary souvenirs…

Tyki had also encountered a wall filled with small plaques detailing people's wishes. Vaguely recognising the practice from last year's visit to some shrine, he had even brought one for himself and scribbled down some futile wish that he might actually get to enjoy his birthday for once.

After that, he had wandered aimlessly through a shopping district, sampled some food, and then, right when he was contemplating catching a movie or something, there had been the call, and now, here he was, staring up at the manor looming in the distance.

"Huh, weird."

There were no Christmas decorations, not outdoors at any rate. Odd, and not a very promising sign. The family patriarch was very into Christmas, and also Halloween. Road was more into Halloween, with her style and all, but she was typically more than ready to assist him, and Sheril, as per usual, was more than willing to facilitate her. The rest of the family usually participated to some degree, but Tyki was almost always forced to tag along, whether he liked it or not. Thus, Tyki was pretty clear about one thing; he liked the food. But Christmas? No.

In any case−

He reached for the intercom. He had barely even pressed it though before a door was slammed open, revealing Sheril who then made a beeline for the gate. "Tyki, thank God you're here! We desperately need your help!"

O−kay?

* * *

Whatever he might have been expecting, this definitely wasn't it.

"Tyki! You're here!"

"We've missed you! So much!"

"Hey Tyki, you've got mad poker skills, right? Do us all a favour and kick this guy's ass!"

Tyki looked from the family members who appeared genuinely delighted to see him to the guy they apparently wanted him to beat. The guy – _boy_ , Tyki mentally corrected – looked up from his cards. Road, Tyki noted, looked to be taking the boy's side. Quite literally. It was no wonder Sheril looked just about ready to throw a hissy fit.

Tyki cleared his throat. "Could anyone explain to me what's going on here? I kind of wanna to know what I'm getting into," he said, turning his attention back to the boy. "First of all, who're you?"

"He's Allen, my new bodyguard!" Road swiftly announced.

Tyki stared. Then he shifted his gaze towards Sheril, who had hidden his face in his hands. With all due likelihood, Road had asked him if she could have anything for Christmas and Sheril had answered something along the lines of _"Of course, Road, of course you can have whatever you want"_ , and Road had asked to have this… boy installed as her new bodyguard, for reasons unknown, something Sheril did not like but could not deny her. Still−

"Now, now, that has yet to be decided," chuckled 'Santa', ruffling Allen's hair with seeming affection. "But I'm certain that young Allen will be staying with us for some time nonetheless."

The boy looked like he was fighting a strong urge to slap the hand away. Tyki found that he could very much relate. "Do _I_ get a say in that?" the boy muttered.

"Nope," Road said, and 'Santa' just smiled widely.

Tyki found that he could definitely relate.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

On one hand, there was food. Quite a lot of it too, and of good quality at that. Not just good actually; the quality was excellent, top-notch as a matter of fact. However−

"Aha! That'd be my property. This is going to cost you!"

Despite allegedly being obsessed with money, Allen had never particularly liked playing Monopoly. Maybe it was because the rules were too rigid. Maybe it was because the money was fake. Or maybe, just maybe− _"Hey you, banker, I passed Go just now! Fork over my damn money!"_

Allen suppressed a resurfacing urge to roll his eyes, completely disregarding the gun pointed at his face. Because it wasn't a gun, but rather a lighter shaped like a gun. That said, if that guy brought that lighter even a tiny bit closer, then Allen would _not_ be held accountable for breaking his arm. Really. "There. Have a nice day."

The guy – Jasdero/Jasper? Or was it Devitto/David? – snatched up the money and turned away, putting the gun back down. Thankfully. Or unfortunately, because Allen did want to break something. Or kick something, because he had stitches in his arm. Not that he had a lot of feeling in it; they'd said it was just local anaesthesia, but was it really supposed to last this long?

"There's no need to be polite. The twins don't really get that sort of thing."

Yeah, Allen himself had already gathered as much. Still− "It's a force of habit."

And it was, really. That said−

"Don't worry. This game will be over soon," Road commented softly, sticking entirely too close to his side. "Just sit back and watch them tear each other to pieces. It's the same thing every year."

Of that, Allen had little doubt. Still− "Don't you think they're taking it a wee bit too seriously?"

After touching down on a particularly expensive street, that Tyki guy had discreetly handed Allen an actual bill and indicated that he wanted it exchanged just to stay in the game. Naturally, Allen had not been particularly difficult to persuade; it was real money after all, and−

"Tyki's… got a bit of a gambling problem," Road finally admitted, her voice so low and so close to his ear that he shivered involuntarily. "Father is in denial."

Steeling himself, Allen shifted his attention towards the aristocratic-looking man seated in the armchair over by the hearth. If Allen was not completely mistaken, then the man was on his fifth eggnog for the night. "I can see that."

"Which is not to say that Grandfather is much better," Road swiftly added, and they both looked towards the ongoing game where the family patriarch, still decked out in a Santa Claus outfit, rolled the dice and then gleefully moved his token, the top hat, over to _Go_.

Allen still had no idea as to why they had decided to play on the floor, given the presence of the large oak table just one room over. Still, he was not about to argue, especially not when the man, who was apparently some sort of lord, discreetly snuck him three folded 10,000-yen notes while extending a hand to accept his fake money. "Young Allen, you look exhausted. Consider this your severance pay. Lulu can handle the bank from now on."

The woman in question, Lulu Bell, looked like she would much rather not, but by the time the man's gaze shifted towards her, her face was schooled into a polite mask. _"Of course_ , milord. As the handler of the family finances, I would be _honoured_ to assume such an important role."

Somehow, she made herself sound perfectly sincere; it was an impressive performance, and some part of Allen would have loved to stick around and watch it some more. Another, far more sensible part screamed at him to make use of this opportunity to sneak out and vanish into the night.

He got up with every intention of doing just that, subtly, when the family patriarch suddenly looked up and smiled broadly like a maniac. "That's right. Tyki-pet, make yourself useful."

Allen felt a momentary stab of pity for the guy before being distracted by Road. "Nonsense," she said, capturing his hand and interlacing their fingers. "Allen's my bodyguard, so of course he'll be sleeping with m−"

There was the unmistakable sound of someone choking on eggnog, and Tyki Mikk immediately stood up. In maybe two long strides, he had closed the distance. "Sorry about this," he said, leaving Allen exactly 1.8 seconds to wonder just what the heck he was apologising for before scooping him right up.

Allen was entirely too dumbfounded to do much at first. By the time he had recovered, they were already halfway up the stairs.

"This is awkward, I know," Tyki muttered, staring straight ahead. "But endure it, for both of our sakes…"

Yeah, Allen could definitely do that, because he had definitely had worse. He'd had worse _today_ , as a matter of fact. "Must be tough, dealing with this…"

This time around, Tyki did look down, if only briefly. "You’ll get used to it. To an extent."

Certainly. But to _what_ extent?

* * *

As already mentioned, Allen had definitely had worse. He'd had worse mere hours prior as a matter of fact, before he had come to this place and before he had found himself in the back of a limousine the second time around and before he had−

* * *

He had woken up in a bed, a hospital bed, to Santa Claus petting his hair like he was some sort of pet. And he must have said it aloud too, because the man had looked momentarily surprised and then smiled in a way that was decidedly unnerving. "You are not a pet, young Allen. Now will you answer my question or shall I summon the good doctor back to have another look at you?"

Ugh. "What was the question?"

Santa Claus had tilted his head slightly to one side, eyeing Allen with a somewhat puzzled yet undeniably amused look on his face. "Are you all right, Allen? Dizzy? Nauseous? Disoriented?"

All three and then some, but regardless− "Why did you bring me here?"

Allen had not asked _"Why did you decide to kidnap me?"_ , but had it been tempting? Yes.

The man dressed up as Santa had mentioned something about him needing stitches and about him missing a few shots. Maybe tetanus or something. In any case, it had been a fairly unpleasant affair that Allen would like to forget about as soon as humanly possible.

"According to the good doctor, you are a bit dehydrated," the man had informed him when Allen had questioned the need for the drip. "Also, they wanted to keep you under observation for a bit just to make sure that it was nothing serious. Fainting spells after receiving shots _are_ rather commonplace, but sometimes−"

Sometimes, Allen felt as though he might actually die from mortification alone. This had been such an occasion. It had not mattered that Allen had insisted that he was fine now. Only _"Please get these needles out of me"_ had worked – to a certain extent, that is. Because, while the hospital staff had not seemed very keen on listening to Allen when he wasn't answering their questions, they had practically fallen over themselves to do the bidding of that other guy.

Not just one but two nurses had fussed over Allen while the head doctor had spoken with the man, bowing repeatedly while mumbling phrases that were too formal and quiet for Allen to grasp. That said, it was not as though certain keywords had not reached his ears. _Honour_ and _results_ had come up more than once, among other things. For some reason, the mere sight had made him fairly nauseous.

Maybe it was panic.

It was probably panic.

* * *

Odd as it might sound, Allen had actually been somewhat relieved to see Road. Maybe it was because she had been the most familiar thing in this place, even though she was little more than a stranger to him.

It might also have helped that she had brought him food and that she _wasn't_ dressed up as Santa Claus; Allen may or may not have developed a mild phobia.

"Honestly, this family…" Tyki muttered under his breath, setting Allen back onto his feet once they were out of sight. "Sorry about that, but you aren't allowed to leave until you're excused and _you_ just became _my_ ticket out of there."

Well, that made sense. Sort of. "If you didn't want to be there, why put that much effort into staying in the game?"

There was a slight snort at that. "Nobody likes losing," Tyki said. "Also, if I'd lose, I'd never hear the end of it."

Yeah, Allen could definitely see that. Still− "If you knew it would be like this, why did you turn up in the first place?"

"Who said there was a choice?" Tyki countered, giving him a look. "Aren't you the same?"

Allen wondered whether or not he should explain the whole abduction thing. Because it had definitely been an abduction of sorts, albeit a strange one. And it still was for that matter. However, before he could opt to do one thing or the other, there was the sound of feet running across carpet, and he turned around just in time to see Road as she rounded the corner.

"There you are, Allen!" she announced, throwing her arms around him once she got close enough. "I've got to show you my−"

"Road," Tyki cut in, shooting her a meaningful look. "If Sheril has a mental breakdown because of this and spends the night crying about it in my room…"

" _Fine_ ," Road scoffed, letting go. A little. "I'll show Allen the guestroom…"

* * *

_Guestroom_. That was what they called it: _guestroom_. Allen however, Allen would have called it a suite, or a fairly exclusive hotel room at the very least, considering the size of the bathroom, the bed, and the walk-in closet.

"But it's sooo far away from my room," Road whined, sitting down on the side of the bed and pointing to the side. "Even Father's room is just over there."

That was good to know, Allen supposed. That said, he did wonder whether or not he had to worry about someone coming in to smother him with a pillow later on. "No offence, but I get the impression that your dad hates me."

And that he, given the opportunity, would have Allen _disappear_. But that was just a feeling, at least for now.

"He's so overprotective," Road scoffed, flopping down. "It's such a bother, honestly."

On one hand, Allen understood. Still− "He cares about you. Isn't that a good thing?"

Road gave a slight huff at that. "I guess," she finally relented, if a bit reluctantly. "And I care about him too, obviously, but sometimes, it's like he thinks I can't do anything on my own. I mean, it's not like I didn't foil a kidnapping attempt when I was six years old or anything…"

Foiling a kidnapping attempt at the tender age of six? Allen was impressed. He was also concerned, for obvious reasons. However, adding to all that, he was exhausted, because this had been one heck of a day. Still, he wasn't about to ask her to vacate the bed and he sure as heck wasn't about to lie down next to her, because that would have been asking for trouble if anything. Instead, he sank down into the seat over by the window.

The lights on the inside and the darkness on the outside made it exceedingly difficult to determine the distance to the ground, which would have been useful to know, in case he needed to leave through a window at some point. "At least he seems like he'd pay ransom," Allen found himself muttering, words spilling over his lips before he could think better of them. "That guy told me to pay it myself…"

And speaking about paying−

Allen would rather not think about it, really, because his financial situation was still perilous, even if one disregarded recent developments.

"That guy?" Road repeated, very close all of a sudden. "The guy you said you'd kill with your bare hands?"

Allen must have been really out of it for a second, because he hadn't even noticed her approach. That said, he did not appreciate being crowded, really. Also, he really shouldn't be talking about these things, especially not with her. But… it was Christmas and he was still bitter about it. "Yep, fuck him. I'd say I wish he'd die in a fire, but to be honest, I'd rather do the honours myself."

"Either could be arranged," Road said, perfectly serious.

Allen should feel wary, _not_ tempted to take her up on the offer. Still− "Ask me again in the morning," he said, pressing a hand to the side of his skull, because ouch. "I'm not clearheaded enough to make such decisions right now."

Maybe he had intended to have her back off. Unfortunately, his word seemed to have the complete opposite effect, seeing as to how she only scooted closer and leaned in, brushing her fingertips against the side of his face, giving him an attentive but somewhat displeased look. "Didn't Grandfather have them check you for a concussion?" she asked. "You hit your head earlier today, at the subway station entrance, right?"

Allen was not about to ask her how she knew that. He was probably better off not knowing. "I was wearing my helmet. Besides, I have a pretty thick skull."

Both were true. Really.

"That doesn't make it okay," Road said, taking his head in both of her hands now.

It was a very strange position to be in. Strange and confusing. "Isn't it weird for _you_ to say that, considering that whole bodyguard thing? Also, do you even _need_ a bodyguard?"

"I do," Road deadpanned.

Well, no hesitation there. "Why me?" he asked. "I've got no experience."

Again, there was no hesitation. "You've got fighting experience."

Well, that much was true. Still− "Brawling isn't the same as bodyguarding," he argued. "You're asking me to take a bullet for you."

He might be laying it on a bit thick, but− "Not even for ten million yen a year?"

Ten _million_ yen? Uh… "How many bullets are we talking here?" he finally asked. "And are we talking sniping pros or happy amateurs?"

"It's mostly kidnapping, once a year, tops," Road elaborated. "Most are pretty amateurish too. Half don't even realise who I am. So, no, not a lot of bullets."

Because they wanted her alive. O−kay. Still− "There's no guarantee that they'd do the same for me," Allen argued. After all− "Bodyguards are expendable."

"But you're not."

Allen frowned, finally reaching up to dislodge the hands from his face. She withdrew them, albeit reluctantly. "Road, be serious. You've known me for a couple of hours. Literally. I mean, sure, you've looked me up, but you don't know me, not really. I'm−"

_"I am serious."_

Her tone left no room for argument. Still− "I realise that, but consider my position for a sec here. I have been screwed over one time too many _not_ to take a very good look at offers that seem way too good to be true. I mean, the last time I took up an offer like this, I narrowly escaped getting sold into the−"

Road practically tackled him at that. The move caught him completely by surprise. "Maybe you're the one needing protection…" she said, leaning even closer, and Allen, Allen was so not comfortable with this. Still−

* * *

"Could I have a good night's rest to think about it?"

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Allen had never quite understood the festive season. However, something that proved even more mystifying to him was the minds of rich people.

By now, Christmas and New Years had both passed, with Monopoly and shrine visitations and whatnot. Apparently, the latter was something of a tradition around here; Allen vaguely recalled his classmates mentioning something of the sort.

Speaking of his classmates, Allen had actually ended up running into a few of them around New Years. They seemed relieved to see him, yet also somewhat annoyed, scolding him for not responding to their messages and whatnot. Apparently, some of them had tried to reach him, for various reasons; some had experienced a bout of guilt and wanted to give Allen a belated invite to join them at the Christmas party, and failing to get a response (because a certain someone had 'accidentally' dropped his phone into an aquarium), they had somehow managed to find out his address and attempted to visit… only to be scared away by the presence of gangsters.

"Allen, are you okay? There are yakuza staking out your house. Do you owe them money or something?"

Allen had forced a smile at that. While certainly appreciating the concern, he hadn't really wanted to meet them here, especially not with Road clinging to his arm like a limpet.

Road's presence had obviously raised a lot of questions, and her actions had raised her father Sheril's blood pressure to new heights. Really, if not for Tyki being there to hold his elder brother back, then Allen would likely have suffered some sort of injury. That said however, Allen had clearly noticed his classmates looks, and he could have sworn that he had heard some of the girl whisper something along the lines of _"I never thought Allen of all people would turn out to be a lolicon!"_

Really. Allen had mostly been able to dispel the misunderstanding though, letting them know that he was in fact here for work. That in turn had brought about an entirely new misunderstanding.

" _I always knew he was obsessed with money, but to hire himself out as an escort of all things…"_

Well, technically… 'escort' was also a name for 'bodyguard'. Still, Allen was very clear on the fact that this was not the thing they had been referring to.

Thankfully, Road had decided to clear up the understanding rather than add to it. "Allen's really an excellent bodyguard! He beat up a bunch of armed delinquents with his bare hands!"

"Bodyguard?! I thought you said you worked as a bike messenger!"

Yeah. "I got fired for lying about my age…" …And apparently hired for picking fights.

In any case though, Allen had not stuck around very long to catch up; there had been no real reason to after all. He would be leaving the country soon anyway.

"But what about school?" one of them had asked, and what about it, really?

Allen was in the company of people with money and if what he had seen so far served as any kind of indication, they weren't particularly stingy with it either.

In fact, Allen still found it a bit creepy. Granted, Road and her grandfather was in a category of their own, but at this point, even a few of the others had also seemed to acknowledge his continued presence.

Shortly before leaving to celebrate New Years elsewhere, Tyki had brought him aside to give him a few tips on how to survive his new environment. Those tips had proven very useful so far, and Allen thought it was a severe pity that the man was no longer with them… not that he wouldn't be back fairly soon though, if the words of Road and the family patriarch served as any sort of indication.

And, speaking of the family patriarch, the highly esteemed Duke of− "There's no need for such formality, Allen−" said the man in question. "You may call me Grandfather if you like. We are practically family after all."

There was an underlying meaning in those words, and frankly, they made Allen's skin crawl. He inadvertently shivered, and that was enough to get a heavy coat dropped onto his shoulders while a slightly wrinkled hand pressed against his forehead, staying there briefly before brushing his hair out of the way.

Allen was at the hospital again, because his newly appointed 'Grandfather' had insisted. Apparently, some of the other tests that had been taken the last time around had yielded some noteworthy results, because why else would Allen find himself back here again.

He was not being prodded with syringes this time around though, so that was a huge plus. That did not stop him from feeling somewhat faint though, especially not when someone had brought out papers claiming that there was a fairly strong genetic link, and thus a fairly close familial relation.

"It is quite extraordinary, really," said the man. "Of course, now that this matter has come to light, it changes things. There is really only one proper thing to do…"

And maybe a week after that, Allen was handed a new passport along with copies of paperwork to prove that he was now listed as a dependant of the old Duke himself.

"Grandpa, you adopted my bodyguard," Road whined. "Now how am I supposed to marry him when I'm old enough?"

Again, Sheril choked on his drink; this time around, it was tea. Allen also choked, but only on his own spit, and lapsed into a coughing fit.

"My dear Road, for now, I have only claimed legal guardianship," said the Duke, patting Allen's back. "Adoption would take more time, so for now−"

Sheril stood up suddenly, actually having used his own sleeve to wipe away the tea and spit from his chin instead of the perfectly good napkin right in front of it.

"I will get right on it," he announced. "In fact, I might adopt him for myself if that'll make it any quicker…"

Stunned, Allen watched him go, and just as horror and panic began flooding in as the words properly registered, he was pulled into a tight hug by the Duke, and then Road as well. Pressed up tightly against the former's chest, head tucked beneath his chin, Allen was initially too shocked to do anything. Then his thoughts began catching up with the events at hand, and he somehow managed to get his hands up to push away. It proved largely futile though, because the old man was a whole lot stronger than he looked. Did he bench-press during his spare time or what?

_"Who said anything about adoption?"_ Allen protested. "Road promised me ten million yen a year if I−!"

"Ten million yen?" The old man interrupted, sounding both puzzled and disapproving as he released Allen from the hug. "But is that not just over 70,000 pounds?"

"About 71,000 pounds," Lulu Bell helpfully provided. "Just below 6,000 pounds per month, milord."

"But that would be such meagre allowance," tutted the Duke, putting his hands firmly upon Allen's shoulders, looking down at him with definite pity. "Child, you mustn't think like a pauper. Lulu Bell will double−no, _triple_ the amount."

Bewildered, Allen found himself pulled into another hug, and hands began petting his head incessantly like he was a pet or something.

Right. Pet. Tyki had warned him about this, hadn't he?

Allen closed his eyes.

Oh well.

* * *

Oh, and in regards to Cross Marian−

"Oh."

−Allen did end up encountering him a couple of months after the fact, and on an extended cruise at that. It was a pity that even while far out at sea, it was still such a public place.

"It's not that much of a public place," Road argued, sticking about as close as ever. "There are lots of blind spots."

Yeah, Allen had also kind of noticed that. Still− "It wouldn't be easy. If it was that easy, then−"

A hand came down on top of his head, and he cautiously looked up to see that it belonged to Lulu Bell. All things considered, she was likely their assigned chaperone, something that she was not very pleased with.

"But we could make it look like an accident," Road persisted, voice lowered to an intent whisper. "Accidents happen in these places, and if it's out on international waters, then no one really cares."

Cue Lulu Bell grabbing Road as well, effectively manhandling them back into the cabin – or luxury suite, whatever. She obviously did not intend to let them leave, because she herself only left after admitting Tyki into the room, giving him a very stern look before departing.

"Lulu looks like she's about to kill someone and dump their body overboard," Tyki commented after closing the door behind himself. "Anyone up for another round of poker though?"

Allen resolved himself not to think too hard about it all, because… plausible deniability and all that. Still− "I thought you'd already gambled away all your cash though?"

"Sheril gave me additional pocket money," Tyki happily announced.

"It'd probably be cheaper if he'd just fund CBT for you instead," Road commented in turn.

"CB-what now?" Tyki asked, shooting her a puzzled look on top of the cards he was in the middle of shuffling.

"CBT – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy," Road responded, enunciating each word very clearly. Actually, considering her age, it was rather impressive that she knew of such a thing in the first place. "You know," she then added somewhat sweetly. "For your blatant gambling addiction and all…"

Allen privately pondered that Tyki wasn't the only person in need of some type of therapy in this family, Allen himself included. Still− "I guess I could go for another round…"

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End, I guess? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
